I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
there is glitter all over my balls
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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