btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
