The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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