he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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