I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
