he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
this just has baby written all over it
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
