hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
