I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I have fence marks all over my body
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
