I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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