Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
