Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
