Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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