She is in my trunk
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize