FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
