Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
The power of my boobs compel you
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
