my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
