I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
