direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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