peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
