it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
