tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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