At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
