its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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