i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
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The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
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Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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