Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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