I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
