Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
