Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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