I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
