She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
