i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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