The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
