just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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