the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
