I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
