just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
