Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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