So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
