Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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