Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
