Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
