I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
sarcasm needs its own font
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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