Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
