I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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