OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
