Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
