Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
