end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
