i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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