It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She's the barista slut.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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