She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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