Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
