Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
