Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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