Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
