At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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