This girl is more easily done than said...
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
