Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
