Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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