i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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