there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
