Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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