I met the friendliest cop last night
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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