New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
