I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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