soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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