even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
