i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
