11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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