u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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