Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
