Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
