just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
