goodnight i made you a song goodbye
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
