And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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