There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
