The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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